My older sister will tell you I’m the crazy one, but I’m going to let you in on a little secret. I’m not representing the family all by myself in the crazy-corner:
In honor of sisters everywhere, here are the top ten reasons my sister is crazy (well, at least the ones that I can state publicly.) There are others that shall go unnamed.
10. She carries a Barry White CD in her car and she’s not afraid to use it.
9. She can go into a public restroom that smells worse than the hippo house at the Baltimore Zoo.
8. High school/college sweetheart was a guy who made bombs. He detonated them in our front yard when he was pissed at her. Given that he drove a Pinto, this was sort of redundant.
7. No one can ever cut her bangs too short…she will even cut her own to make sure they never grow out past the two inch mark.
6. A retired teacher, she still believes the world is her classroom. She will correct anyone and everyone… Like the FedEx man playing his music too loudly on morning rounds. Or the guy who lets his dog tinkle on her bushes. The sassy hostess at Texas Roadhouse. Douche-bags beware…
5. She is a color-savant. It may appear that she has twelve pair of tan pants, but she has twelve different shades that cannot be discerned by the average naked eye–from Decaying Hotdog in the Trash Bin-Greige to Pasty White Guy at Nudist Colony-Ash.
And then, there’s me:
4. Closely related to #5 above–as a color-savant, she will only allow herself a French manicure or pedicure. She cannot abide having pink toenail polish on if she feels like wearing coral or red.
3. Shopping is her sport. She can out-shop the Kardashians and all the pompous-ass Real Housewives combined.
2. She taught middle school language arts for thirty-three years. Perhaps this explains #6 above.
1 When I invite my sister to my house for dinner, she insists on bringing something.
This is what something looks like:
In all seriousness, I love my sister and I can’t imagine life without her.
Hug your sister–even if it’s one from another mister.
Thanks for reading!