In honor of Labor Day, I wanted to celebrate those people who do some of the worst jobs out there. With thanks.
We need people who are willing to sniff the effectiveness of anti-antiperspirants.
We also need that poor guy who stands in the john of a ritzy restaurant and offers towels to–
–WTH? No, we don’t need that job filled.
If foie gras-eater Rock Gatesabuffett is too good to grab his own paper towel after crapping on a platinum toilet, then he needs to leave the restroom dragging a long trail of toilet paper beneath his fine Italian loafer.
Anyway, if you’re lucky enough to be off today and you run into any of these workers, give them a hearty thank you.
Ten Jobs from Hell in no particular order of significance:
The Restaurant Line Cook: Notice I didn’t say chef. Nope, chefs are trained professionals. Restaurant line cooks are often at the bottom rung of society. Long-haired hippies right out of high school or newly paroled dudes from the halfway house are two of the types of guys you’ll find making your meal at your local chain restaurant or bar & grille.
Hard-working immigrants are also among the guys on the high-stress line where the food not only has to be prepared correctly–it has to come out of the kitchen with every other item on the table’s order; hot, tasty and within twelve minutes or less.
Retail Sales: Having spent a significant amount of time as a young person working retail, I knew I had to go to college because I didn’t ever want to work retail again. The flurescent lights. The industrial carpeting smell. The fact you are not allowed to sit down for over eight hours. Ugh.
Dressing room duty is especially dreadful. Customers often to not rehang the clothes and just thrust a pile of things in your arms. Plus, on occasion, a really gross customer will leave a surprise gift behind in one of the dressing rooms. Ugh.
Road Kill Technician: Cleaning up the bloody carcasses of dead animals along the roadways has got to be an unpleasant vocation. Sure, you get to drive around without your boss breathing down your back, but the swarming flies and the predatory vultures have got to be a real bummer.
Custodians: Custodians are the unsung heroes of the organization. Talk about dealing with blood-borne pathogens as an occupational hazard. Well, that and the disrespect.
Portable Toilet Excrement Extractor: Yes, a picture is worth a thousand words.
He sucks our muck into his truck. Yuck.
Painter of Bridges, Water Towers, etc.: Anyone who can stomach the heights and do this job should get big bucks. It makes me woozy just looking at the picture.
Any Job that Involves Cavity Searches: Hats off to the correctional officials, doctors and nurses who have to don a glove and play Dora the Explorer every day.
You’re not only keeping us safe, healthy and honest, but you do so without saying, “This is going to hurt you a lot more than it’s going to hurt me.”
Airline Steward/Stewardess: For putting up with the worst among us. The clueless. The trash-mongers. The rude. The people who act like they can’t understand English and want to do whatever the hell they want to do. Screaming children. Screaming adults (even worse). People who treat the attendants like their personal serf. People who ignore the spiel and then ask stupid questions.
We tend to forget that when we disembark, you are left behind to clean up the mess we leave and continue on your long day, that will likely conclude for you away from home and family at some hotel. Oh, and the pay stinks.
Caretaker of Animals or Food Processors: Whether you are chewing the cud for a horse with bad teeth, or searching the processing line for dead chickens who need to have their butt-holes removed prior to final product packaging, working with animals is rewarding but without much monetary compensation.
Enlisted Military: These men and women sign up to take orders and go where angels fear to walk. The pay is not commensurate with the risk. And still, every year, new high school graduates sign up for duty. God bless them all.