The Background Check

In another month, parents will be packing their sons and daughters off to college. For some, it will be a new experience. My youngest, a sophomore, is transferring from a small university in urban Chicago to a bigger university in the suburban Midwest. (Reasons for this detailed in the earlier blog post, THE DICK HOUSE.) … More The Background Check

How to Speak Condescending Hipster Douchebag Circa 2019

It is a truth universally acknowledged, that the Condescending Hipster Douchebag in possession of serviceable education, must be in want of showcasing his moral and intellectual superiority… With all due respect to Jane Austin and the beginning of PRIDE & PREJUDICE, you can’t open your car door in a parking lot these days without hitting another … More How to Speak Condescending Hipster Douchebag Circa 2019

The Apple Picker

Lutherans aren’t known for being demonstrative. We don’t sway. We don’t clap. And we certainly don’t emote. Not as a rule. And then the Apple Picker was hired as our music leader. Oy vey! Picture a modern-day Fred Flintstone gyrating across the altar as he leads the band with his singing. He gesticulates wildly as if picking … More The Apple Picker

Ten Things I’ve Learned in 30 Years of Marriage

Thirty years ago today, I married a guy named Paul. We’ve more than touched on every extreme (save our own deaths) in the wedding vows: sickness, health, richer, poorer, plus some other ones too. Physical loss. Challenges with employment. Financial chaos. Death of all of our parents. Disappointment around many a corner. We also have … More Ten Things I’ve Learned in 30 Years of Marriage