You Might Be a Cultural Christian if…

A few years back, Jeff Foxworthy captured our imaginations with a shtick that used this simple formula–If you do X, you might be Y:

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“If you’ve ever belched the words ‘not guilty,’ you might be a redneck.”

“If you’ve ever inflated an air mattress with a leaf blower, you might be a redneck.”

“If you’ve ever duct taped a flip-flop back together, you might be a redneck.”

Hilarious and true in its simplicity. But maybe some city slickers have trouble relating.

So, indulge me in applying the Foxworthy formula to something most Americans have in common: Christianity.

Yeah, I know the C-word is considered off-limits, but our founding fathers didn’t follow political correctness. And while you may not see it on NBC, Christians in China, North Korea, the Middle East, and Africa are being persecuted and even killed for refusing to renounce their faith.

But for now, we Americans enjoy complete freedom of religion…

Which we sometimes take as freedom from religion. But it’s all good, right? Because we’re still Christians. At least, culturally. I mean, we’re good people, damn it.

Our parents were Christian…and our grandparents… That’s got to count for something, right?

  1. If you usually spend Sundays at St. Mattress, you might be a Cultural Christian.

st_mattress_of_the_springs_church_postcard-r874f54a62d034f4d91d5dd4f429b12b9_vgbaq_8byvr_5122. If you laughed at the New York City public works posters last fall, you might be a Cultural Christian.

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3. If you wish others Happy Holidays to be more inclusive, you might be a Cultural Christian.

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4. If you have more dust on your Bible than your TV remote, you might be a Cultural Christian.

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5. If you can’t remember the last time you gave thanks before eating, you might be a Cultural Christian.

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6. If you think Evangelical is a dangerous word while claiming Islam to be a “religion of peace,” you might be a Cultural Christian.

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7. If you don’t mention God because you don’t want to offend anyone, you might be a Cultural Christian.

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8. If you don’t take your kids to church and Sunday School, you might be a Cultural Christian.

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9. If you practice moral relativism, you might be a Cultural Christian.

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10. If you think of yourself as spiritual but not religious, you might be a Cultural Christian.

 

 

11. If you read your horoscope, you might be a Cultural Christian.

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12. If you say thoughts and prayers are worthless, you might be a Cultural Christian (and also a douche-bag–just saying.)

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13. If you’re a C&E (Church on Christmas and maybe Easter), you might be a Cultural Christian.

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3

So…if you sort of see yourself here and you smell the tinge of sulfur, remember, God loves U-Turns.

Either way, it is your choice. That’s the beauty of free will.

Scripture says the gate is narrow. Which, as far as any of us knows, is only one breath away.

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Feeling rusty? Reading the Bible and going to church are way-cool ideas. Just saying.

Live well friend! No one gets out of here alive.

foxyxoxo,

Susan J. Anderson

Foxy Writer Chick


2 thoughts on “You Might Be a Cultural Christian if…

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