Foxy Writer Chick

Sick of commercial television’s portrayal of everyday life in America? 

Ever feel awkward when watching television with your children and suddenly there’s an elephant in the room? And no, not the Elephant Insurance icon.

 

We’ve got distinguished, attractive men who need little blue pills–always shown with extremely fetching women wearing blue dresses.

I actually wrapped up a blue dress of mine and gave it to my husband last Christmas as a gag gift. He understood exactly what it meant. Jingle balls–er, bells.

What about that lovely couple who are out antiquing, but anticipating their tryst later, each sitting in their own, respective, antique bathtubs on the beach. How is this appealing?

Or how about the late-night television version of the ad:  

 

Continuing on…

We’ve got smart-ass, know-it-all kids making all the decisions at the dealership for their inept, bumbling parents.

If I ever walk into a car dealership and my kid decides which car I should buy, let me save the $24K and spend it on

(a) military school that bans electronics since little Bitsy, Brooklyn and Beyonce’ obviously need less screen time, and;

(b) a pair of balls and a brain for me.

Jennifer Aniston isn’t entirely annoying, BUT her Eyelove commercial has to go. 

“My friends know me so well” Of course they do, Jen. You’re rich and famous and they want to be seen with you. It’s also nice when you spring for a girl’s weekend trip. 

“They can tell what I’m thinking, just by looking in my eyes. They can tell when I’m excited and thrilled, and they know when I’m not so excited and thrilled.” Wow. I can’t believe how perceptive they are. They can read your emotions in your eyes. They must be clairvoyant. I don’t know anyone who has friends who can do that.

You know what? I don’t really want to watch a self-important Hollywood celebrity talk about herself–if I did, I would tune into Keeping Up with the Kardashians.

Of course, there could be another reason she has dry eye:

 

How about that guy with MyPillow®? This is from his website and commercial:

“Hi, I’m Mike Lindell, Inventor, Manufacturer, and CEO of MyPillow®, Inc. Years ago, like you, I found myself extremely frustrated with my pillow going flat. I would wake up in the morning with a sore arm, my neck would hurt, my fingers would be numb, I would toss and turn all night not knowing why.”

I can tell you why, Mike. You lost your job. You were worried about making ends meet. You didn’t want to work for some other schmuck. So, like the rest of us out there, you lost sleep. You tossed and turned and one day your pillow was flat.

This is what I do when my pillow goes flat. I throw it away. And I buy a new one at the store that doesn’t cost fifty or a hundred bucks. And then I sleep like a baby.  Or I keep sleeping on the flat one that’s full of dried up saliva and microorganisms because they help me forge new hair-styling trends

(I actually know people who loooovvvvveeee their MyPillow® but I can’t put that kind of money down for a pillow–I’ve got two kids in college, thank you very much.)

We’ve got women who never realized a tampon could be life-changing. And, of course, they are always wearing white–and doing so in large, active groups.

Because the only thing better than menstruating, is doing so with all your friends.

 

And then there’s that commercial for a floor cleaner that begins with a woman saying, “Nothing gives me the satisfaction of clean kitchen floor.”

Really? Nothing? Not the birth of a child or a paycheck? How are your relationships with other people? The kitchen floor tops your list? Sheesh!  

 

How about Consumer Cellular? Could they make young-seniors look anymore inept when it comes to technology? Of course, this is a company still hawking flip phones. What’s their next advertising campaign? Maybe something like this: 

“What’s the matter, Jim?”

“Nothing much, Nelda. Just having trouble with my new pen.”

“New pen? Why are you bothering with pens? A stone slab and a chisel is so much more economical and effective. They never run out of ink. You should call the good people at Consumer Sell-U-Lame.”

“Why thanks, Nelda. I’m going to call Consumer Sell-U-Lame. That’s the last time a pen quits on me.”

 

So which commercial(s) pluck(s) your nerves? Feel free to dish in the comments below. 

Thanks for stopping by and remember, if you saw it on television, it must be true.

All the best,

Susan J. Anderson

Foxy Writer Chick