In honor of high school graduations everywhere, I got to thinking about how as an adult, there are times when you could swear you were still back in high school. And this is not a compliment to those people who are making the rest of us feel that way. To them, I say
So without further ado, here are ten times you’ve got to wonder, “Are we still in high school?
#1) When you greet someone at work or some other familiar place where, like Cheers, everybody knows your name, and the other person will not return the greeting. And I’m not talking about one time where they may have missed hearing you–I mean you’ve given this person at least the three-time rule. The first time, maybe they didn’t hear you. The second time, maybe they’re having a bad day. The third time with no response? I won’t waste my breath on you again.
#2) You know that one guy who is always bragging about the athletic prowess of his kid? The one who never asks about you and yours? Yeah, we all know him, too. A couple of months ago when Mr. Blowhard was bragging about little Chandler’s bases loaded home run, my husband chimed in, “Well, my son has the lead in the school musical.” The blowhard thought he was kidding. He wasn’t. Ha!
#3) That woman at work who insults you with a smile on her face, and you are left stymied because you can’t believe anyone would every have the audacity to say such a thing? Something like, “That’s a lovely dress… On a thinner woman…” Doh!
#4) How about that ass-hat who thinks he’s being slick when he’s trying to “help” you?
“So we have this maid and she’s in really great shape. She works out and watches what she eats. Maybe she could sit down with you and explain how she does it.” Don’t do me any favors, Pal.
#5) And then there’s that woman who keeps pushing you to find out what color dress you’re wearing to some major formal event? And then she shows up in the exact same color and style you’ve picked out? And she’s had plastic surgery to reshape her mom-bod? Bitch!
#6) Speaking of the woman with the plastic surgery that reshaped her mom bod–how about her predilection for posting bikini photos of herself all over Facebook? Even showing up her teenage daughters in the bod-department.
Of course, her face reminds one of that old punk song from the eighties in which the refrain goes, “Nice legs, shame about the face.”
#7) What about that co-worker who loves to put you down? “I can’t believe you misspelled separate. Who doesn’t know how to spell separate? And you’re college educated?”
Yes, it happened to me. I was very young and a temp-worker. There were no computers at this company–only IBM Selectric typewriters and, yes, I made a mistake. Never again.
In contrast to the bitchy co-worker/niece of the company’s owner, the actual owner of the company was so down to earth, he carried a can of Tucks Hemorrhoid Pads with him through the office on his way to the men’s room. His niece? A Grade A-Bitch.
#8). People from high school who still post their “Glory Days” pictures with their posse–just to prove, one suspects, that they are still a big deal. Well, maybe in their own minds, anyway. I still think it’s a shame to peak in high school. Who wants to live life looking in the rear-view mirror?
#9) And then there’s the jerks who are members of a group at church or at work or in the community, who speak in the presence of other group members just to a select few about their special plans and experiences that are separate from those of the group.
The message they are trying to send is, “We are friends and you’re not one of us,” but the message that’s received is, “You’re a dick.”
#10) Finally, how about those boors who always brag–either verbally or on social media–about their expensive hobbies (golf, boating, etc.) or their excessive partying? News flash:
We all know you are probably in debt up to your eyeballs, and;
Your liver may be your bitch, but it will catch up to you.
Feel free to add to this starter list in the comments below. We’ve all been there, done that when it comes to people who just bring a little ray of sunshine into our daily lives. Remember,
Susan J. Anderson, Foxy Writer Chick
Foxy Writer Chick 
KUDOS on a great list. It may be a starter list, but you have certainly covered a lot of “them”. I did notice they go along the lines of those that are my current thorn in the side. Egoists [not egotists]. They are like spread sheets. They are really only important to the person who generates them, because it stymies thinking. Rally on. CAB dvc
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Preach, Ace! So true–love the analogy to spread sheets as well!
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Ha this is awesome!!! I particularly like the cougar, rant-about-their-boring-kids, rant-about-their-overindulgent-lifestyles and narcissistic references, plenty of those at my work!!! Another type I frequently encounter as a woman in an industry dominated by old men is sexism. You know, the old guys who are lost in their no longer relevant accolades from the 90s who don’t move with the pace of technology or strategic thinking. I used to feel very patronised and insulted by their comments. I’ve since had mentoring to lift my confidence and learn how to respond to their snarky comments. I now find it amusing when these situations crop up…and almost a sport!
Probably not a healthy perspective on my part but hey, we spend so much of our lives at work. Might as well make the the most of it?!?
Thanks for writing, I enjoy your posts 😀
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Love that you can speak your mind at work–even if it’s just a response to snarky comments by the suited dinosaurs. My job became like the Roman coliseum–the lions were prowling (and getting rewarded for their kills) but all we could do was keep our heads down and run to the other side of the arena. Ugh! Glad to be out of there. When I was a younger teacher, I frequently did speak my mind and it was such a great feeling to tell someone where to get off. And then Big Brother took over central office and the reign of terror began…
Thanks for reading, NoWineImFine!
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Suited dinosaurs – I love it! Thanks for making me smile this morning Susan 😊🙋🏽☕️
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Love it! reminded me of a few people actually !!!
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Thanks, lillyevechristie! I guess these Human Buzzkills are everywhere–they have to put others down to feel better about themselves. But the rest of us will press on! 🙂
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Love it! I guess ass-hat traits are passed down from generation to generation!
This reminded me of the POOL MOMS! They couldn’t let go of their fondness for cliques. The pool moms who were full-of-themselves sat in the elite section as soon as you entered the pool area. Spread throughout the grassy area were the various mom cliques sitting in their unofficial assigned seats. There was always a group leader and usually an assistant leader of the various mom cliques. At times there were adjunct members who were “allowed” to sit with the group, but it was always very obvious they were not full-fledged members, for a variety of reasons.
The types of pool mom cliques were endless. You had the groups for the moms of Catholic School kids, the moms of the same street kids, the moms of the kids who are in a clique at school, the moms who were already too drunk to pass a breathalyzer and didn’t know they had kids, and the groups went on and on. Informal socializing with individuals in other groups was strictly prohibited if you were not already previously acquainted. Yep, the POOL MOMS reminded me of the high school cafeteria.
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Remember when we taught swimming lessons and were lifeguards back in the day? Those pool moms were falling over themselves to impress that certain Baltimore Colts football player who lived on your street. Since we’ve witnessed these same types over the years, it’s safe to say that they are all cliche’s. Just like they were in high school. Mean Girls become Mean Moms.
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Great post! Those of us living in the real world have had the same unfortunate encounters with these “phony baloney” uppity ups and ate laughing at them behind their backs. Why can’t we all just be ourselves?
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This is why I could care less about high school reunions. As far as I’m concerned, the people I want to stay in touch with, I am in touch with. All the phony baloney’s–refer to the Elaine meme above. Ha! 🙂
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